El Fomentador

Do you want to have a little fun with this whole “global” economy thing? I suggest taking a walk up and down the aisles at “Waldo’s Dollar Mart”, (available in selected Mexican cities.) Just try not to go there on Friday night or Saturday afternoon, the place is always packed on the weekends. It is really a “13 pesos” store. Everything in the place is 13 pesos, actually a little more than a dollar right now (and when I think about it, that is probably a result of the global economy too!)

If you don’t have a Waldo’s in you city, don’t worry, I’ll be bringing you the details of just what kind of products they have there. And believe me, they have stuff from the four corners of the globe, even though, technically, the globe is rounded. And we’ll look at what 13 pesos will and will not buy today. (In other words, just how much cheap labor, producing cheap products, does this weary old world really need to keep spinnin’ ’round?

One example that I find particularly interesting is canned cream-style corn imported from China. It kind of reminds me of the old joke about selling refrigerators to Eskimos. In case you are wondering, no, I have never eaten cream-style corn from China–my doctor said I should cut back on my lead intake.

If you have been to a Waldo’s Mart share your favorite Waldo’s story.

Santisima Muerte, Holy Death, Batman!

Ok, you are in Waldos, you have to pick-up a few items, you don’t have much time; just remember to grab a veladora (a candle) with Santisima Muerte (Holy Death) on it. This popular “Saint” is not recognized by the Catholic Church, which condemns it as Devil worship. The image has been adopted as the saint of many organized crime groups in Mexico, and as Forrest Gump would say, “…and that’s all I have to say about that.”

The images of “Holy Death” don’t do  much for Mexico’s image. And won’t do anything  to help “smite” your enemies, so “forgetaboutit”

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Oh, I know, it may be considered kind of a cheap hook; the whole “top-ten” list thing. But a friend suggested it and I thought it might provide a little relief, while providing some clues on what to look for in las escuelas patitos de ingles in Mexico. I admit I have a list of ten, but I am going to add them over a few days. I am hoping that people will add their own ideas and we can see what people are finding out there.

The Top-Ten Signs That You May Be Attending A Patito In Mexico

Number 10. Although the school is in Mexico, it is named after a dead U.S. President. (Or a statesman, or scientist, or the Queen of England, for God’s sake!)

Number 9. They offer “certificates” in 14 different languages, including Swahili, but only have three teachers. And they only speak Spanish.

Number 8. Employee dress code includes clause requiring teachers to use deodorant, comb their hair and change their underwear everyday. (And the code needs to stipulate that doesn’t mean to just exchange your underwear with someone else.)

As promised here are the next three signs your school may be a patito. You know, I could use some help here; as you may have noticed I am not really a comedy writer. The sad thing is all of these have some truth to them. The dress code thing, for example, I wrote to the company asking if it wasn’t a little embarrassing, no response, go figure!

Number 7. No one at the school actually speaks English, including the owner.

Number 6. “Textbooks” are all photo copies of stolen material.

Number 5. Patito franchise owner defends $30 pesos per hour (with no guarantee of number of hours) as a “competitive” salary and brags about the “benefits package” that includes a 10% discount at some fly-by-night optical company. (Oh, he wishes everyone “Bueno Suerte” as he drives of in his new Mercedes.) Here is a guy that really cares about the future of education in Mexico, (as long as he can make a buck off of it.) Ok, I’m being sarcastic, does that count as humor?

Stay tuned, and add some of your own sarcastic remarks. Luego
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